


Not A Man And Not Your Boy

by joji_is_trash



Category: Dexter (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Debra Morgan is a Good Sister, Demisexual Dexter Morgan, Dexter is Very Awkward, Doakes and Dexter become friends, Doakes is Bisexual, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jewish James Doakes, M/M, Non-Binary Brian Moser, Non-Binary Rudy Cooper, Other, Psychopaths In Love, dexter doesn't kill brian, dexter is a femboy, dexter likes having his nails painted, i might make him trans but dont quote me on that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:28:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24482038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joji_is_trash/pseuds/joji_is_trash
Summary: Dexter decides not to kill Brian, and Brian decides that they'll never leave Dexter.ORBrian figures out they're non-binary and Dexter has hidden traumas that the show never talked about but could have definitely have happened.
Relationships: Debra Morgan & Dexter Morgan, Dexter Morgan/Brian Moser, James Doakes/Dexter Morgan, Rita Bennett/Dexter Morgan, Rudy Cooper/Dexter Morgan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. Paint My Nails

**Author's Note:**

> soooo i heard the fandom was coming back? ^^ hope you guys enjoy this small drabble that I plan to make a series!!!

Brian always knew he was different, and not just in the fact that he was a serial killer with mommy issues. 

He was different in the way that he hated being called a man, _sir_ , _Mr. Cooper_ \- it made his skin tingle in unpleasant ways, made him almost want to snap at the ‘offender.’ But, that would ruin his facade and he couldn’t have his darling brother find out about him so soon. 

Brian had many secrets and, perhaps out of some sort of societal shame, he labeled this secret at the near top of his lengthy list. The secret in question? Brian is no man. 

He didn’t understand how this could be until he was a few weeks into dating Debra to get closer to his brother. It happened when Debra decided that Rudy Cooper could meet her friend, Alex Thompson- a person who identified as non-binary. 

At first, he couldn’t make sense of it but, once Debra had explained, it clicked with Brian. 

He was not he- but they. 

This added a whole new element. Brian considered outing themself as non-binary, just to see how easy it would be, but decided to wait for their dear brother first. 

They could imagine it so vividly- Dexter and them would share a beer after finishing off Debra, and Brian would just talk, inform Dex of how much he had missed. Dexter would smile, accepting, always, of his true sibling. 

And from then Brian would make a point of always accepting Dexter, too. It would be like living in a dream. Perhaps Brian could convince him to buy dresses for them, paint their nails- but they were getting ahead of themself. That was all for later. 

Now, they had to hope Debra would show up soon to their boat. They didn’t have much time before Dexter figured it out. Figured everything out.


	2. Do You Feel Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is waiting for him, waiting to give him everything they have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!!!!! thank you so much for the feedback in the last chapter!!! i realize Brian is an enby in this bc i wrote it, but for this chapter Dexter doesn't know this, so he/him pronouns are used.

Dexter didn’t call the cops when he found out where Rudy took Debra. Maybe it was stupid of him, but for some reason he hoped that he could talk Rudy from hurting her, or at least kill him if he already had. 

He wasn’t thinking straight, but he knew he had to do this on his own. No Doakes to interrupt him, interrogate him. It had to be just him and his brother.   
Rudy was waiting for him when he arrived, on the porch, with a beer in hand. It seemed like such a familiar and welcome gesture, and as the memories of their shared childhood flooded in, he almost felt guilty for not being able to get Debra out of his mind. 

She was stuck there and she came above his own, real brother at this moment. 

“Biney.”

“You’ve always had a hard time saying Brian,” Rudy chided, smirking. 

Dexter ignored him, rushing up to where he was.

“I’ve been waiting for you!” Rudy smiled down at him from the porch. “What took you so long, brother?”

“Where is she? Is she safe?” Rudy faltered, but didn’t answer. 

“I’ve dreamed of this moment, Dexter. Come in, sit down, let’s share a beer, Dex. Catch up,” Rudy gestured for him to come in. 

Dexter brushed right past him, instantly trying to search through every room for Deb, for any sign that she was okay-

“Dex! Stop that!” They both came to a stop in front of their childhood bedroom. Brian debated taking out the syringe in his pocket but didn’t want it to come to that yet. “Dexter.. She’s fine. She’s waiting for us.” 

“What do you mean?” Dexter snapped around to face them. 

“She’s wrapped up the way you like them, it’s okay.” Brian rested a hand on Dexter’s shoulder, comforting. “Have a beer with me and then we’ll take care of her.”

“We can’t kill her. You haven’t hurt her, have you?” 

“She’s the last thing tying you to that lie of a life, Dexter! We need to get rid of her!” Dexter grumbled and shook his head. 

“No, absolutely not. She’s still my sister.”

“Y’know, protective older brother really doesn’t suit you.” Brian frowned. “That’s supposed to be my job,” Brian’s hand brushed against Dexter’s cheek, almost lovingly. 

“I know it doesn’t, so how about you just tell me where she is so I can drop the act and get her out of here.” Dexter smacked the hand away. 

“You really don’t want to get rid of her? After she lied to you for so long?”

“She’s never lied to me. I always knew I was adopted,” Dexter glared holes into Brian, but the energy wasn’t there. Dexter really just wanted to give up and get to know the only person in the whole world who could ever begin to know the true him. It hurt, but he needed to keep Debra safe. 

“But you never knew why!” Brian was getting upset now, visibly. “Harry made you leave me behind, Dex! You screamed for me!” 

Dexter didn’t reply.

“Please, Dexter, please just sit down. I promise she’s fine. We can talk this out, Dexy,” Brian reached for Dexter’s hand and, though the man flinched away, managed to grab hold. It felt so right. 

“..No. You let her go, now, or I won’t do anything with you.” If Brian’s heart could break, it would. Dex was choosing Debra over him.

Brian had to let her go. He had to, to be with Dexter. Fuck. Brian looked down at their intertwined hands. 

“Dex.. Fine. She’s out back.” Brian didn’t let go of his hand as he led Dexter to the shed. 

As soon as Dexter laid eyes on her, his phone was out of his pocket. “I need to call-” 

“No! No, Dex, you don’t!” Brian smacked the phone out of his hand and Dexter had to try his hardest not to strangle him right then and there. 

“Please, you can cut her loose. Just wait until I’m gone before you call anyone, at least. You can say you scared me off.” Dexter pondered it for a moment. Debra would be alive, Brian would be in the wind. It worked, but there was one thing that didn’t quite fit.

“You know they won’t believe that unless I’m hurt.” Brian nodded, knowing where this was going. “Fuck, okay, punch me.”

Brian grimaced, but in a split second Dexter was on the ground, clutching his nose and groaning. 

“Ah, sorry, Dexy,” Brian kneeled in front of him, grabbing his hands and lifting him back to his feet. 

“Get out of here.” Dexter growled. Brian smiled and picked up Dexter’s phone from the ground, handing it to him. Dexter went to untie Debra, but before he could, Brian grabbed him. He planted a kiss onto Dex’s cheek, a little too close to his mouth for comfort, and held him there. 

“I’ll see you at the apartment,” He whispered into Dexter’s ear. Brian’s smirk was devilish as he left. 

“We didn’t agree on that-” but there was no point in yelling, he was already gone. Damnit. He looked down at his phone, forgetting about Brian for the moment. 

Dexter dialed a number on his phone as he saw Deb start to wake up. He couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Maybe it would have been better if he had killed her- no! She was his sister and that was that. He couldn’t ever kill her. 

And, for some reason, Brian accepted this despite wanting so badly to have her gone. 

Dexter wondered why. 

He supposed he would find out once he got back to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a review if you could be so kind <3 i hope you guys are ready for the next chapter's introduction into the idea of a demisexual Dexter!


	3. If I Asked You Not to Touch Me, Would You Listen?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rudy wants nothing more than to give Dexter their love. Dexter wants nothing more than to go to bed and not have to stress over all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooooooo!!!!!!! i'm finally on an updating roll. this story has been in my head since i first watched dexter a long time ago. i can't decide if i want to make rudy really dark or really sweet... they're already a mix of both but gosh.. do i want fluff or misery? be warned that i almost always choose the latter >:) don't worry though, i hate bad endings

After getting to take in the refreshing scene of Doakes getting yelled at by his sister, and leaving Debra at the hospital, Dexter headed home to his apartment. 

His head was spinning, now, and his blood was rushing in his veins, thinking about Brian. His brother. A real, living person that could truly see him for what he is and not shy him away or run away screaming. 

He couldn’t be more relieved that Doakes wasn’t tailing him that night. Debra must have really scared him off this time. Good. Less to worry about. 

Walking to his apartment door, he didn’t bother getting out his keys. Brian would have left it unlocked for him. Of course he would. 

But, when he turned the knob, it didn’t open. It was locked. Momentary panic filled him as he was forced to unlock it with his keys. Did Brian not make it to his apartment? Was he stuck somewhere? Would he wake up the next morning to headlines reading “ _Notorious Ice-Truck Killer Apprehended!_ ”? 

All of that worry flooded out when he opened the door, seeing Brian sipping on a beer on his couch. 

“What’s with you and making me wait? Is being late your thing now? I thought I knew you so well,” Brian mocked a pout. 

“I thought-” Dexter’s words rushed out before he could stop them. Brian didn’t need to know how he was feeling but- “I thought you didn’t make it. The door was locked.” He gestured back at the door. 

“Oh, Dexy, no,” Brian was in front of him in no time, beer left discarded on the coffee table. “I would never leave you. I only locked it so it would look like it was a regular night. You always have it locked.” Dexter didn’t question how he knew that. 

“Now, c’mon, grab a beer,” Brian smiled at him for the third time that day, and Dexter was calm. He didn’t even mind that Brian had once again taken hold of his hand and was dragging him to his own kitchen, in his own apartment, that he had broken into. 

He grabbed the beer as it was handed to him, still cold from the fridge despite having been sat out on the counter in wait. Meaning, Rudy had really just gotten here. He had been careful, but Dexter still had to make sure-

“No one saw you, right?” Brian shook his head in negative, smile growing. 

“You know I’m always careful, Dexy,” Brian’s hand was resting on top of his, now. Dexter was reminded of Rita, loving Rita, and how uncomfortable she had always made him with her gentle, unwanted touches, her press for loving-making. But, with his brother doing it, Dexter found he didn’t have as many qualms about it. 

Dexter found himself pulling away his hand either way. He was still standing in front of the person who manipulated and almost killed his sister. He couldn’t forgive that so fast (even though he already had, not feeling all too upset about it from the beginning. Pros of being emotionless). 

“You ready to catch up, now, brother?” Brian tilted his head to the side, eyes still boring into Dexter’s own. 

“Not much to catch up on that you don’t already know. I’m a forensics analyst. I work with blood splatter. I’m a serial killer. That’s about it.” Briand frowned but his eyes still carried his smile. 

“Could you try to be more bland, dearest?” Brian sighed and shook his head, but his smile had already returned. “You missed the part where you’re the top analyst in Florida _and_ the best serial killer. Give yourself _some_ credit.” 

“I’m surprised you haven’t given yourself that title. Best serial killer.”

“I would.. But I got caught. You haven’t. Yet,” Brian chuckled as Dexter took an annoyed swig from his beer. 

“Tell me about you,” Dexter said when he was done with the beer. “You know so much about me, but I know hardly anything about you.” 

“I suppose you’re right, brother dearest. Though, since I found out so much about you on my own, maybe I should make you do the same,” Dexter glared, hard, and Brian instantly caved. “Fine, fine. Just don’t give me that look. I can’t stand you looking mad at me.” 

Dexter raised an eyebrow, and Brian went on. 

“You’ve missed a lot. For starters, I was sent to a mental institute, not adopted. Antisocial personality disorder and PTSD is what they got me to stay for. They released me when I was 21 under the idea that I was ‘cured’ and ‘safe for the public’.” Brian let out a small laugh as he headed over to Dexter’s couch and sat down, patting the seat next to him in invitation. 

Brian grabbed his own beer as Dexter sat down next to him, his eyes seeming to be pleading for him to continue. “When I was let out, I already knew what I was going to do. I had about 16 years to plan it. I got a doctorate and started killing. Then, I finally found you. Did you enjoy the bodies I left for you? I imagine you did.” 

“I loved them,” Dexter replied with no hesitation. 

“Good. They were all for you,” Brian locked onto Dexter’s gaze. 

“At first I was frustrated- there was no blood, no reason for me to show up at the scenes, but then I was mesmerized. I couldn’t figure out how you did it until recently. It was amazing.” He admitted. Brian couldn’t be happier. 

“I would continue my art work, but sadly my apartment is in the police’s hands now. I may just have to take up your style,” Brian joked. He wouldn’t do that. He would find ways to be creative. 

“You’ll find ways to do your thing,” Dexter smirked. Brian couldn’t help but grasp Dexter’s hand again. He already knew him so well. Except, for one thing. 

“Dexter.. There’s one thing I haven’t told you yet.” For some unknowable reason, Brian suddenly felt anxious. This was out of his comfort zone, he had never felt this before. Why was he so nervous? It’s just-

“What is it? Is it about Deb?” Dexter stiffened and almost managed a betrayed look. 

“No! No, Dexy, this isn’t about Deb,” Brian thought about it. “Well, it kind of started with Debra but-”

“What do you mean?” Dexter interrupted, so unlike himself. 

“Just let me explain.” Dexter nodded, and surprisingly was still allowing his hand to be gripped. “Debra has this friend, uh, Alex, I think. They’re non-binary.”

Dexter nodded again. “Yeah, I know them.” That was a good sign. 

“Well, they made me realize that I am, too. Uhm, non-binary, that is.” Brian tried their hardest to relax as they waited on Dexter to reply. He looked so dumbfounded, and then frustrated. Brian worried for only a moment. 

“Why didn’t you just say so?” His eyebrows were scrunched up. It didn’t matter to him that Brian is non-binary. They could have told him earlier, though- he may end up feeling a bit bad for calling them brother in his head. 

“I tried! But your dumb brain keeps going straight back to Debra. It’s not my fault that you keep thinking of her and not me,” Brian flicked his forehead and Dexter frowned. Brian looked jealous, and suddenly Dexter really did feel a bit bad. 

“Sorry, I just- I was raised with her. I care about her.” 

“I know, Dex. But you care about me, too, right?” Dexter didn’t have to think about it. He had only technically known them for a couple hours but their bond was as tight as could be. It rivaled his and Debra’s.

“Of course. It’s the only reason I haven’t killed you. You fit the code perfectly,” Brian couldn’t help but think, ‘Ah, Dexter, and his brutal honesty. At least he’s upfront about it.’

“I care about you, too. And fuck the code.” Brian grumbled. Dexter sighed but didn’t press them on it this time. They would have to talk about the code later, and how it really did matter. Dexter only kills bad guys. He doesn’t need to be ‘free’. He’s happy following his (Harry’s) code, and Brian could be happy with his own (or lack of one) in silence. 

“Do you still want me to call you Brian?” Dexter changed the subject. Brian hadn’t really thought of this question. 

Does the name Brian make them feel uncomfortable? They supposed that yes, sometimes it did. It is associated with men, and Brian is no man, so the answer is yes. But what else would they be called? 

They supposed that ‘Biney’ and ‘Rudy’ are names that have never really bothered them. 

“Rudy. Call me Rudy, or Biney,” Dexter nodded, making mental notes about the name change. He found it almost funny that he killed people with no remorse yet so easily adjusted to a person’s preferred pronouns- almost like it is basic human respect. 

“Okay, Rudy,” Dexter smiled. “Nice to meet you.. Sibling?” 

Rudy’s hand slipped up to Dexter’s cheek and stayed there, caressing. “And you, too, brother.” 

Dexter found himself, despite how calm Rudy made him, starting to internally panic as he caught them glancing down and his lips and then back up to him. 

“I- uhm,” Dexter quickly made the choice to ruin the moment before it continued. Rudy is his sibling, it’s not right ( _but neither is killing_ ), and Dexter isn’t gay ( _would it be gay to like Rudy?_ ), and Dexter is just so, so scared of the idea of getting intimate ( _but what is there to be scared of when it’s just Rudy?_ ).

“Where do you want to sleep?” His mind, racing, came up with a very basic, ultimately pointless question. Rudy just sighed, but they weren’t disappointed. They just couldn’t stand the idea of Dexter not trusting them enough to get intimate after all they had done for him, or the idea that maybe someone had touched their brother- made him scared of this kind of contact (but that couldn’t be right, could it?). 

“I’m obviously going to steal your bed. It’s the least you owe me. You’re welcome to join me, though. I’d like it if you did,” Rudy offered him another chance.

“Nah, the couch is plenty comfortable. Plus I can fall asleep to the TV out here,” _Now_ Rudy was kind of disappointed, but not surprised. For someone who has killed surely around 60 people by now, their brother is a coward when it comes to interacting with others. 

“Alright, but you can’t blame me if you wake up with a crick in your neck,” Rudy smiled and stood up. They stopped themselves from giving Dexter a peck to the cheek- no need to make him even more uncomfortable right now. They could wait. They’re very good at that. 

“I’ll see you in the morning.” Dexter called out as his bedroom door shut. 

“See ya!” Came the muffled response from behind the door before he heard Rudy flop onto the bed. 

As Dexter switched through channels on his low volume TV, he decided he regretted not just taking Rudy up on the offer. The couch was for looks, not use, and he didn’t even get the chance to change into his PJs. 

He didn’t have to think about it too long, though, as soon enough he had fallen asleep (dreaming of blood covered cargo containers and a person rescuing him, though this time it was not Harry).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a review!!! they're the highlight of my day!!! i'd love to hear your thoughts on how this is going

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE leave a review <3 it would make my day :)


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